Screamager, an A:tLA crack fic
by pringle.sam
Summary: Crack!fic about a whiny Zuko and a caffeine deprived Iroh...  You know you want to...
1. Chapter 1

Screamager

An A:tLA crack!fic

* * *

"ARGGHH!! UNCLE!" 

The cry rent the still morning mist. It must have been something very important to warrant disturbing the sun's quiet rise, shattering the utter peace and serenity that came with the light pink clouds over the water, creating sound waves that disrupted the ripples around the ship's hull. Something very important indeed.

Perhaps a small child had fallen into the water and was screaming for help?

A young woman was going into labor and cried out for a doctor?

A poor father of three getting up to go earn money for food had tripped over a poorly placed pair of sandals, stubbing his toe and falling into the table, spilling all the coffee and leaving none for him to drink before entering the workforce?

A pathetic young---

Fine. So the shriek didn't come from a poor, destitute young child. Or from someone in immense pain, emotional turmoil, or caffeine-deprived-ness.

So it came from a rich, spoiled, healthy, caffeine-filled, rather handsome Fire Nation prince. So?!? That doesn't make it any less gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, sniffle---

Fine. So it was totally pathetic. Your point is?

Zuko's uncle rolled from his bed, absent mindedly pulling on some robes as he planned the multiple cups of tea he would make himself to ensure a proper wake-up. Yawning widely, he strolled from his cabin to meet his nephew's wrath.

Zuko was standing on the deck, feet planted, arms crossed, eyes gleaming, nostrils steaming. Intent on reaching the galley, his uncle shuffled past him, a flapping hand Zuko's only acknowledgement.

"UNCLE!"

With a heavy sigh, Iroh halted. He slowly turned to face his nephew, eyes lingering longingly on the galley door. Tea!

He turned his bleary eyes upon Zuko's fuming visage, letting a few seconds of silence pass before raising one questioning grey eyebrow.

"Yes, Prince Zuko?"

It was all the opening his nephew needed. "I can't DO THIS anymore! I can't keep sailing around on this STUPID BOAT, looking for something I CAN'T FREAKING FIND, waking up every day, getting up AND TRIPPING ON YOUR STUPID FREAKING PAI SHO PIECES, AND FALLING AND HURTING MY ASS AND— "

Iroh interrupted him, calmly (and rather distractedly) breaking off the angst/whining/screaming storm that had been brewing (like his tea should be, right _now_).

"Oh, stop being such a scream-ager nephew. It's not fitting for a Fire Nation prince."

Iroh beamed up at his speechless nephew. "Would you like some tea to help you calm down? Ginseng can be very soothing…"

He bustled off to the galley, muttering happily to himself, leaving a stunned teenager in the hall.

* * *

AN: This was a 2 am crack!fic, stemming from a tired me looking at the Muse song, Screenager, and seeing 'screamager', which I took to be a screaming teenager. And, it being 2 am, I saw Zuko. : Cheers. 

I really do love Zuko, and this is meant to be more funny that Zuko bashing. \But I don't know if it is. Please review, if only with a 'you're retarded, go to sleep' or a ; (nice confused face), or even something nice. Recommend your favorite crack!fics; I live off of them.

Oh yeah; I don't own A:tLA, Zuko, Iroh, or any other characters. Oh, and I don't own Muse's Screenager. But I think I own screamager… go me :)


	2. More insanity

AN: Well, some crazy person (coughfourfourfourfour) actually requested a continuation of this madness. I have no idea why. I'm just the author, here to serve you. :

**

* * *

****3 minutes, 27 seconds, 84 blinks, and 4 mouth shuttings later…**

Zuko finally snapped out of his daze. Giving his head a hard shake (sending hair flying and mussing his neat ponytail), he spun about to enter the galley after his uncle, angry questions (_What the hell is a screamager?!?_) threatening to explode from his down turned (but still freaking sexy) mouth.

Reaching the doors, he felt a very uncharacteristic sense of hesitation. What if there was actually something wrong with his uncle? Should he show concern, or feign cool indifference?

A heavy sigh drew all the air from his body as he slumped against the doorframe, giving the general impression of deflating like a balloon llama that has been punctured.

Of course he would show concern for his uncle. He would be unable to stop himself, no matter how it went against his upbringing. His uncle was…all he had left at the moment. He would do whatever it took to get him the help he needed.

It was his familial duty. His responsibility to his elderly relative.

No, he realized with a sudden, almost painful, insight to his own tortured soul.

It was his responsibility to himself. Because, he thought, registering a strange and rather uncomfortable tightening of his throat, without his uncle… he wouldn't be able to go on. His life was bleak, empty, filled only with an obsessive compulsion to capture the Avatar. The only moments of light, of laughter, came from his uncle. And that waterbending peasant… but he shook aside such inappropriate and vaguely repulsive thoughts.

_I love him_, he realized with a debilitating suddenness.

Oh.

Shit.


	3. ahh, it burns!

Disclaimer-- No, I don't own Avatar or any of the characters. Even if I did, Zuko would have murdered me for this, and it wouldn't really matter.

* * *

Iroh was surprised to see his antisocial nephew twice in one morning, before breakfast, even, but on the whole he was more pleased than astonished. Now that he'd gotten some tea. _Tea…must have more…_

"Yes, Prince Zuko? Did you change your mind about that cup of tea?" Iroh was slightly aghast to see Zuko's eyes begin to mist over at his words.

_He really does care about me…SOMEBODY LOVES ME!! See, Daddy? I am worthy of love. I love you too, Uncle Iroh…_

"Zuko? Are you alright? Do you have something in your eye?"

Tears streaming down his scrunched up face, Zuko strode forward and swept his shorter (and very surprised) relative up into a tight bear hug.

* * *

Some poor Fire Nation schmuck, just looking for some food to take with him to his 16-hour guard duty up at the weapons storage locker, unwittingly opened the galley doors. Iroh's wide eyes, peering out at him over Crown Prince of Angst Zuko's shaking shoulder, saved him from coming any closer to the raging inferno of angst. Eyes never leaving Iroh's, he silently inched his way back out of the door.

When he was finally safe, he collapsed against the wall, palms pressed to eyes, trying in vain to drive out the image before permanent mental scarring set in.

* * *

"I love you, Uncle Iroh," the weepy teenager said, rather lamely, words muffled by the cloth on his uncle's shoulder.

Iroh, turning a strange shade of yellow from oxygen deprivation, patted Zuko awkwardly on the back. His instincts of self-preservation were useful; the touch encouraged his nephew to loosen his strangle hold a bit, enough for Iroh to gasp out, "Love you too, nephew."

The teary eyed Zuko nodded, forcing a tight frown to try and cover his semi-breakdown, and stepped back.

He managed a choking sigh before finally replying, "Good. Now, how about that tea?"

Now more relieved that frightened for his nephew's sanity, Iroh turned gratefully to make them some nice, hot, soothing tea. Hopefully the amazing liquid could help them both to forget this embarrassing episode. However, he was not quite in the clear yet…

As Zuko regained control over his emotions, a small frown appeared over his eyes.

"Uncle, what is a screamager?"

* * *

You know the drill---please review! (do you want me to keep going? cause if you don't, I think I'm ready to stop) And I am sorry for the Zuko angst bloodbath...I really do love him an awful lot, but it might not always show... 

If you want to know what Zuko's whiney voice sounds like in my head, head on over to youtube and look up Gan Xingba's The Angst, starring Prince Zuko. His (at least, I assume he's a guy, but whatever) other stuff is pretty funny too. :

Cheers!


End file.
